By 4:45 every morning, at least one of Josh's four children is awake, raring to go.
Soon after, his 3-year-old daughter is up to receive treatment for cerebral palsy. By 7:30, Josh and his wife have fed their children — ages 3 to 12 and all diagnosed with autism — and he has driven the older three to school, often staying to work as a substitute teacher.
Afternoons are filled with therapy appointments. Dinner is promptly at 4:45 and the children’s bedtimes begin at 6. Routine keeps the family functioning and even the smallest deviation can throw the household off.
“That house is a circus, but it’s a great circus,” the 33-year-old said.
As he and his wife juggled the demands of keeping their family running, “I realized I was angrier than I should have been around my kids,” Josh said. “I was never going to be able to help them if I couldn't help myself.”
Josh found NewBridge Services Adult and Family Services in Parsippany more than a year ago while taking his children for therapy nearby. He began weekly sessions with Deborah Abrams, a licensed clinical social worker, and also worked with NewBridge psychiatric nurse practitioner Fredda Jackson.
“The medication side of things and talking things out with Deborah, that's definitely changed my life,” he said.
Counseling helped him understand that he had spent years reacting to stress and sadness without learning healthy ways to cope. Jackson diagnosed him with bipolar disorder, which he said made sense looking back on his life.
One of the first coping strategies Abrams taught him was the Navy SEAL Breathing, also knowns as the box breathing technique.
“After three of those cycles, I had completely calmed down,” he said. “I do that to go to sleep almost every single night.”
Putting the Skills to Work
He also learned how to keep from spiraling under stressful circumstances. Abrams described how anticipating negative outcomes floods the body with adrenaline, while reassuring yourself helps calm it.
“One of my favorite things she told me about was putting your arm around a miniature version of yourself and saying, ‘It's going to be OK,’” he said.
Abrams also helped Josh manage ADHD symptoms.
“I was the type of person that if I went into the kitchen to take the garbage out, but then saw a snack on the counter, I would have the snack and forget to take out the garbage,” he said. “Now I write things down and set timers.”
Josh described one of his counseling successes:
His oldest child, a finicky eater, had turned her nose up at a dinner he prepared and, as someone who had long worked as a chef at a nursing home, he felt offended. When it happened again, “Instead of getting angry, I said, ‘OK, then what do you want? Let’s figure something out,’ ” he recalled. “We ended up making a grilled cheese together.”
Josh said counseling has made him calmer, more patient and more determined to be there for his family. He urged other parents who are struggling to seek help.
“Everybody gets angry. Everybody needs a non-biased professional to help you talk over your feelings,” he said.
He has the initials of all five of his children tattooed on his arm, including the daughter he and his wife lost in 2021. The oldest three helped design it.
“Those five children are me. That’s the first thing people notice about me,” Josh said. “Whatever your why is, whatever your reason to get better is, whatever your reason for trying is, that's your reason,” he said. “Giving up is not an option when you have four children.”
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